Since the hottest movie now is 50 Shades of Grey which involves BDSM sex, I am inspired to write 5 Shades of Indian revolving the Indian guy who was badly slashed and brutally attacked by nine other Indian guys because he stared at them. I am so outraged that I need to rant on this, else my head would explode.
A macha was like, I am shaming Indians here among the other races due to my writings. Of course this ‘saintly’ act in Penang where 9 ‘brave’ souls, readily armed with machetes attacking a defenceless fellow Indian sadistically in public view, ISIS style ‘elevated’ the image of Indians before the other races here!
Disclaimer: This is purely fiction depicting what could have happened prior to, during and after this vettu kuttu at Bukit Jambul Complex, Penang.
5 Shades of Indian (1)
As the seats were occupied by Malaysians in the cinema hall, Indians making the majority, Yennai Arindhal began to play. As Ajith appeared on screen, many Indian machas transformed into howler monkeys, howling their sanggu out, making some of the sensible Indians and people of other races who came to watch Ajith kicking butt in peace want to pichi yeriyuran the sanggu of the machas making a cacophony.
5 Shades of Indian (2)
As the machas got breathless, beads of sweat trickling from their foreheads despite the frigid AC, sat on their seats finally, chests heaving, laboured breathing, their eyes searched if there were any Meenachi they can look-u viduran, depending only on the low light the big screen pervaded. Alas, they only spotted one willowy macha in a red t-shirt and black pants, whose gaze was riveted on a row of seats where 9 machas were sitting.
5 Shades of Indian (3)
The ombothe machas (I am not offending transgenders here. They have more integrity, manners and common sense than the so called ‘straight’ people combined) who saw the red t shirt macha staring at them instead of at the gorgeous Hemanika on screen, decided that the macha was asking for it by forwarding langsi parve and kurang ajar parve specifically targeted at them. One macha whispered to his friend, “Dei macha, avanukku langsi parve jaasthi ah irukku, ghadi le sama irukku le? Erukuvom, katcheri nadathuvom, namme yaaru nu kaatuvom. Sethanda avan inniki!” And, the whisper, traveled to each of the ombothe machas’ auditory organs, which registered in their medula oblonganta firmly, the way lessons in school and college never registered, spice and salt added along the way, to fuel kolaveri. Several machas sneaked in mean looking machetes thirsty for the blood of a fellow Indian.
5 Shades of Indian (4)
Finally, the movie ended and everyone began to exit the cinema hall. Although there were not many children due to the screening finishing in the small hours, there were women and guys of other races. AND THEN, ALL HELL BROKE LOOSE. The craven ombothe machas began assaulting the lone Indian guy, brandishing helmets and machetes, beating the daylights outta him. In full public view, the ombothe machas slashed the helpless guy and chased him with machetes when he tried escaping his assailants. Someone called the police and the ambulance and the victim was given treatment. Now the cops have apprehended the main slashers. When asked why they assailed the Indian guy so violently, the answer they gave made the police don’t know whether to laugh or cry, “He stared.” The policemen, who happened to know about baboons, asked the youth who, minutes ago, adhered closely to the philosophy of ‘Tamilan Katti Berani Mati’, but now were pissing in their pants and going, “Aiyoyo, poche!” when their criminal record got registered, asked “Only baboons get into fight mode whenever other baboons look at them in the eye, it’s a territorial threat. Are you baboons?” The police are rounding up the rest right now. They are in hiding and police has launched a man hunt for them.
5 Shades of Indian (Final)
As the macha who narrowly escaped death gets well enough to speak, he was questioned by a Malay policeman, “Adik buat apa sampai mereka toreh badan adik macam ni?” Mancha answers, “Saya tak buat apa-apa pun encik, tetiba mereka serang saya guna parang.”
Policeman: Hmm, mereka cakap adik renung kat depa macam nak cari gaduh.
Injured macha: Mereka bukan Trisha untuk saya renung encik.
Policeman: Ye lah, mereka akan ditangkap secepat mungkin. Adik nanti kena kenalpasti mereka.
Injured macha: Baiklah encik. Saya malu la encik..
Policeman: Iye, saya faham, tengok pun salah, saya dah banyak tengok kes macam ni melibatkan belia India. Gaduh tak pasal-pasal atas alasan remeh-temeh.
Injured macha: Ye ke, encik?
Policeman: Iye, saya selalu tertanya-tanya, apasal India tak gaduh dengan orang Melayu ke Cina ke yang tengok diorang?
Injured macha: Kecut telur la encik. Berani sesama sendiri je, diorang tau kalau sentuh orang bangsa lain, siap la, kena siang kulit.
Injured macha: Kerana nila setitik, rosak susu sebelanga encik. Seluruh masyarakat India di Malaysia dapat nama buruk kerana perlakuan sesetengah orang dalam komuniti..
Policeman: Betul tu..
Are you ashamed yet my 5 Shades fellow Indians? If you are not then you don’t have the right to get angry when other races here walk in the sidelines whenever they see Indian guys walking in a group, Chinese amois, Malay girls and Indian aunties clutching their purses/bags and thali kodi extra tightly whenever a macha walks past them. Keep quiet when we are called ‘India kaki gaduh’, ‘India suka bising’ and ‘India mabuk’ because that is the reality and our mannerism in public. When we point our finger at Chinese/Malays who won’t hire Indians and won’t rent house to Indians we have to see the four fingers pointing back at us because most of the time the fault is on US. Every Indian Hindu here was so proud that Indians were well behaved during Thaipusam 2015. Oru naal best behaviour pothuma? Ah? What several people belonging to a community do affects the whole community. Each one of us represent our community. And, the world only pinpoints the bad more than good. So, we have no choice but be as good as gold, sensible, hardworking and most importantly united, helping each other out instead slashing each other and bickering with each other.
All of you Indians get angry when others malign Hinduism right? But you don’t practice Hinduism properly yourself, on the context of ahimsa. You can mercilessly slash another human being just because he looked at you. I really hope you languish in prison and do retrospection and introspection on the foolish, unthinking, violent act you did in public.
The maanam, rosham, soodu soranai Indians have in abundance should not be shown in chopping fellow Indians up just because they ‘looked’ at you. Show all your maanam, rosham, soodu soranai at improving your lives, status and image in this nation.
I for one, am ashamed to call myself a Malaysian Indian nowadays. The other day, my Malay friend senyum sinis when she read the petition for Rajinikanth to be awarded datukship. I didn’t know where to keep my face. Malu tau! Naa Ippo Tamil pesre Bangladesh kaari.