Note: This is an adaptation of the author’s Facebook post which received both approvals and admonitions.
Disclaimer: This is not to offend or ridicule anyone and neither it’s a blanket statement. Just for those guilty as charged.
Okay, Malaysian Indian guys on Facebook get mad when a Malaysian Indian girl doesn’t reply to their message after accepting their friend request. They ask this ‘intelligent question’, “If don’t want to chat with me then why accept my friend request?” in run down English. Because there are no terms or conditions that Mark Zuckerberg imposed on Facebook that if become friend on Facebook, chatting is compulsory. Because it’s not written in your profile pic photo that you will kill the girl or anyone at all who accepts your friend request by incessant messaging. Mostly, it’s because it’s the girl or anyone at all’s wish whether or not to reply to your messages. Last time I checked, the latter is human rights that applies to men, women, heterosexuals, homosexuals, lesbian, bisexual and transgenders.
I wrote this as my Facebook post after extensive research and talking with my girlfriends who cited the same stories on macha Facebook approach. It’s backed up by my macha friends who impersonated as girls in Facebook. They completely agree via experience. They said many machas don’t even take the initiative to know whether the girl on Facebook is real or not. If they see a girl’s name, they’re most likely to send friend request and start chatting. So, this is not my singular story.
What actually happens in macha to minachi Facebook chats
In the name of intro on Facebook, machas think they are entitled to know the entire biodata of minachis – the million dollar questions, “Married dy arr?” “Got bf arr?” “How old are u?” “What u working as?” For me, no one is entitled to know my whole personal stuff in the first chat. And, no, you are not entitled to know everything about me just because I accepted your friend request. And, you know, there’s a very good and useful reason for anyone on Facebook detailing where they’re from on Facebook. They did not put those details there as Facebook decor – they put it there for your information. Including me. So, don’t get angry when you ask me, “U from?” and I say, “I’m from Planet Pluto. Didn’t you see the taman where I live in NASA’s recent pics of Pluto?”
Machas ask, “If never ask intro on Facebook, how to get to know?” Right, after intro, these questions will ensue, “Hi dear.” How are you dear?” “Saptiya da?” (Have you eaten dear?) If the girl says yes, the macha will go, “Enna sapta?” (What you ate?) Whenever I am asked this question, I resist from saying, “Punnaku, thottuke sunambu.” (Cow fodder with lime paste = calcium hydroxide) After that, machas will go, “Ennaku??” (For meee??) Macam tak makan empat hari. How is the girl supposed to give you what she ate? Regurgitate the predigested food and then stuff it into your mouth by putting her hand through the computer? And, that’s how you get to know a girl uh? Wow.
And, what’s with the endearments in the first chat itself? “Da, sayang, darling, dear, dei” It evokes geliness you know. You don’t even know the person and you call her like that. Maybe a Form 3 girl will be impressed or go crying to her daddy, but not older Indian girls who have careers, are independent and self sufficient.
What is Facebook for these machas?
Facebook has become a platform for machas to coerce minachis to respond if the latter accepts the former’s friend request. Prior to Facebook’s existence, machas would try to chat up minachis via face to face bravado, whistling, staring, cooing, cat calling, etc. If the minachi glances up to the macha or smiles at the macha the macha takes it as the green signal and take it from there. On Facebook, it’s sending random minachis a friend request. The green signal is the minachi accepting the macha’s friend request. Same ballgame, different technique. Machas translate the friend request acceptance as the minachi accepting him and either inboxes or writes on her Facebook timeline, “Thank u for accepted me.” I get that a lot. After that, the interview begins. What the macha doesn’t know is there are 1000 machas in her friend list, with 300 eager to interview her in the name of chat. So many kering machas around.
So, why do minachis accept friend requests from random machas anyway? Wrong if you think minachis only accept friend requests from machas because they secretly desire friend requests from any macha. Minachis accept friend requests from fellow minachis, uncles, aunties, Ah Moi, Malays, Mat Salleh, Mek Salleh, Filipinos, Sri Lankans, Indonesians, British, France, India Indians and even Israel. I have friends from all the above categories. It’s called socializing via broadening world views. That is why Facebook is called social media. Socializing isn’t confined to macha to minachi ‘How are you’, ‘What you ate’, ‘For me’. The world is bigger than that. Try reading before socializing.
If minachis don’t accept friend requests from machas, machas get agitated all the same. I came across many acerbic Facebook statuses from machas which go, “I sent a girl friend request. She blocked me. Periya rathi maari.” (Like she’s a beauty queen) “It’s been 3 years that I sent a girl Facebook friend request, she hasn’t approved yet. Ennama ninggeh ippadi panreengala ma.” (What girl, why you doing like this girl), etc, etc. Damned if minachis accept friend requests from machas, damned if they don’t. Ironically, these are the machas who go, “Life le ponnu vantha, life eh gaali.” (If girl comes into life, life will be destroyed) And then, send random requests to minachis and initiate chats with them. I’d advice these machas to maintain self respect. If a girl doesn’t approve your friend request within 48 hours, delete the request. Maintain your gethu. (swagger)
When I wrote this post in Facebook, some machas went, ‘Don’t put scene lah like you’re so prim and proper. Minachis love and anticipate such chats.’ No one likes a boring conversation which turns to harassment later on when machas demand reply or say talk something. Especially adult Indian girls who are aware of what’s happening around them and the world. Daily questions that go, “Hi, how are you? Makan dy ah? Wat u doin?” from 10 machas once a minachi logs into Facebook is not something they love or salivate for. Imagine you answering to the same damn questions from women every day once you come online on Facebook. Have you eaten? What you doin? Wassup? Women besieging you until you cannot comment peacefully or do anything else on Facebook peacefully. You will get fed up, trust me. You get so fed up of such women you go offline but they still message you, Hi hunky, wassup handsome? How would you feel? No human being likes such harassment what more love and anticipate it. Maybe immature teen girls will like such stuff but not all girls like it like how not all guys chat idly with girls on Facebook. When there are 10 machas coming for chat on Facebook, the meme below is the under siege minachi’s reaction:
I learnt from my macha friends that most machas send Facebook friend requests to minachis who have beautiful profile pics. I was reminded of the Rape of Nanking and the Japanese descent on Malaya and Singapore in WW2 documentaries I watched when they told me this. Chinese women wear men’s clothing, cut their long hair and apply coal marks on their faces to avoid from being raped by Japanese soldiers and being taken as comfort women. Currently, ISIS is doing that. If having minachis’ own profile pic brings droves of friend requests from machas and chat messages inundation with it, it means a minachi can’t even show herself in Facebook without risking harassment. If minachis don’t put their own pics on Facebook, kena brand fake pulak. The other day, RPT featured a girl that claimed self healing on Facebook. A mutual macha friend of mine shared the post. Machas who are RPT’s detractors were like, “But figure nalla ireke. Nambitan avenum boss,” (But, the girl looks good. Have to believe boss), “Comel tapi bengong,” and the one that enlightened me most, “Looking for her Facebook id, wanna add her. She luks cute.” See how they almost totally became focused on her looks rather than the issue. Maybe evolution shaped this but we live in a civilization. There are more to minachis than looks and a pussy.
This phenomena is unique to Indian guys. I never had Malay and Chinese male Facebook friends doing like this.
Guide for machas on Facebook chat with minachis
Don’t get me wrong. The above is quite emotional and judgmental. But, it’s not made up. It’s the plain truth on what minachis on Facebook go through and standard average macha SOP on Facebook. If you ask me how about minachis harassing machas on Facebook, reverse the roles. I’m a minachi so I can only write based on my experience and perspective. You may say, “Why throw a hissy fit in public, just block and unfriend lah, abih cerita!”I don’t simply block people on Facebook because for me it denotes weakness and infancy. I do block those who harass sexually and profane ones. I believe I can learn from everyone but if they want to only want to know whether I’ve eaten, what I ate and can’t hold a weighty conversation then sorry la.
Assuming that machas know no better than what described above here are some tips on what you can do when sending Facebook friend requests to minachis and when you chat with them on Facebook which will actually make a difference:
- Before sending friend request to a minachi, check her details, where she’s from, what she does, etc instead of only checking out her profile pic. Take some time to see her posts as well if they’re public. That will give you an idea of what’s her brains’ are like rather than only how she looks like.
- Send her friend request. When she accepts avoid from immediately messaging her. That will make you look desperate. Be patient, message her after 15 minutes to 1/2 an hour or so. You may take that time to go through her Facebook timeline if the privacy setting is for friends only. Note where she’s from and what she does. I do this before accepting/sending friend requests to anyone.
- Message her. Avoid using dear, da, dei. Instead of asking her intro, tell her her intro. “So, you’re _____, from ________, studying/working at __________. Nice to meet you. Your Facebook postings say a lot about you, I assume?” Then proceed with your intro to her. She’ll appreciate the research you did about her and will open up to you in due time. Expecting her to tell everything about her in first chat is highly unlikely. It differs from person to person though.
- Stop thinking that asking a girl what she ate, how is she, what she is doing right now will make her interested in conversation, day in – day out. Most girls won’t layan those machas who ask monotonous, inquisitorial questions and the random ‘Hye’ a nanosecond after they accept a macha’s friend request. They can predict where it will lead to and they won’t entertain you especially if the minachis are long time Facebook users who have seen many such chats. It’s an exercise in futility for machas.
- If machas are okay with calling minachis older than them as akka (elder sis) or sister in Facebook chat, then it should be alright if minachis younger than them calling the machas bro. Don’t feel sad if you’re bro or friend zoned. I get akka zoned. I have 2 kuduporekathe thambis (little brothers not born out of the same womb) on Facebook. I don’t mind being tanggachi (little sister) zoned too. Facebook is not the right place to hitch with someone.
- Avoid from asking her number, Whatsapp, Viber, WeChat etc. You are already her Facebook friend and you want to Whatsapp her some more for what? Be decent and friendly – call her ‘my friend’, ‘buddy’ or even ‘brah’ rather than da, dear, darling, sayang, etc. Those are her boyfriend’s zone, not yours. She’ll warm up to you and actually ask your Whatsapp. Of course you can say to her, “You are already my Facebook friend and you want to Whatsapp me some more for what?” It applies both ways.
- Many machas go to minachis on Facebook, “Tell about u.” You want to read her autobiography to enrich your GK? Instead of focusing on her, focus on happenings. GST, Bersih, 1MDB, declining ringgit value first, thuppu Najib and Geethanjali G together, etc. Issues that matter. Then, you’ll find your differences and similarities. After that the about you-s exchange will occur naturally.
- If she takes time to reply to you, don’t demand reply or tell her to talk something. Machas who do the latter are extremely annoying. Just be quiet. Check her friend list. Many minachis have close to 1000 Facebook friends. Competition boss, competition. Everyone has their own stuff to mind so if she doesn’t entertain you despite you being a nice guy, tell yourself that it’s her loss, move on and mind your stuff instead of vilifying her as sombong and eksyen.
- Don’t expect too much. Truth to be told, most minachis on Facebook aren’t that great. They actually don’t deserve any attention from machas. Be like the guys in the Shakalaka Baby song. Make headway in life and heads will turn to you. Just look at our machas Varun Agarwal and Sundar Pichai. Semme hot machi! (They’re so hot, dude)
Facebook is a great platform to learn, connect, establish networks and organize events. It’s a pedestal to exchange opinions, have a dialectic and meet new people. Use Facebook wisely macha minachis as employers are increasingly looking at their employees and future employees’ worth on their Facebook. So, it’s best if you maintain posts that imply intellect and thought provocation rather than only looking out for people to chat idly with. The way you keep your Facebook might help you get a job or keep your job.
Think before you do something on Facebook. It might change your life.