Indian girls generally have it tough, scrutinized by family, relatives, community and society. There is a set behavioural pattern for Indian girls, which they are expected to adhere to in a pedantic fashion. If Indian girls go against the tiniest grain of the dictated behavioural pattern, they get branded as a ‘characterless girl’, adangga pidari, bajari, Mohini Pisasu, etc.
From grandmas and aunts who stuck by the set behavioural pattern when they were maidens would rebuke Indian girls. My grandma often says, “Girls shouldn’t laugh so much because they will cry later.” I told my granny that laughter is the best medicine and showed her the clip in the movie Vasool Raja MBBS, in which Prakash Raj laughs incessantly. The next thing my granny told rendered me speechless,”Avan ambele, yevelo venum nalum siriklam. Sirippu pombele pilleh ku kudathu.” Okay grandma, I won’t smile for the camera then.
Once, I was slapped by my grandmother for not washing my cousin brothers’ dirty plates that they piled in the kitchen wash basin. She scolded me, “Didn’t your mother teach you to behave like a good girl? You are so lazy. Wash all the boys’ plates. I want them squeaky clean!” And, I did, crying my eyes out. I have experienced many ‘pull your punches girl’ incidents at the hands of my relatives.
Indian girls are meant to pander to all the set conditions?
Prostitution is an age old service – this is a victimizing, discomfit laden job yet women do it because they are forced into it. It is not done on the women’s volition. The customer may seem nice and stroke the prostitute’s cheeks after he’s done but the prostitute is young enough to be his daughter. Why can’t he see his daughter in the prostitute’s eyes? It is because of selective and subjective perception – the prostitute is an object and his daughter is a human in his eyes.
When men engage call girls, they don’t see the girl as a victim – they see her as an object and they buy her for one night; the same goes to rapists, they don’t see the girl as a victim but as a meal to satisfy their lust. And, so do SOME guys who see girls on the streets. In my school days, while I wait for public buses after school stay back and whenever there are Indian guys around, I’d cover my chest with my books; if I didn’t have books in my hands, I’d hang my school bag in front because of sheer terror and shame as guys stare and talk and describe my physique loudly and lewdly. Of course I am to be blamed to lead the guys astray by just being there, clad in the sexy Malaysian school uniform, asking for it. Perhaps the Malaysian Education Ministry should set burqa as girls’ school uniform.
Some Indian guys here swear that premarital sex only happen because Indian girls give in; if they don’t, no man can lure himself into the abyss of premarital sex. If a guy asks for sex from his girlfriend, where have her sexual abstinence and consciousness gone?
Where has the girl’s sexual abstinence and consciousness gone when her boyfriend asks for sex? Well, many girls fall for guys’ sweet talks and promises. Sathiyama nee than di en pondati.. En mele unakku nambikei illeya? Ivlo tha nee enne love pandriya? All these emotional blackmail would make any girl give in. It is humanizing and the girl feels the human in her appreciated and mostly wanted and many guys dump their girlfriends after the ‘matter’ is over. Then the girl gets belittled and frowned upon, treated like a perforated plastic bubble wrap, be called a slut for not waiting until after marriage to get laid. It is made to look like that only the girl is at fault. Why can’t guys wait until marriage? Is the sexual abstinence consciousness the moral polices are so bothered about only lie on girls? Should guys not have the same consciousness and chaste attribute? What if the guy forces himself on his girlfriend? How about date rape?
Nowadays, no Indian girls and Indian guys marry their first love. If there are, they are few and far in between. Perhaps the best Tamil movie to depict this is Raja Rani. But, even in the movie, Santhanam would say to Nayantara,” Unggele yaaravuthu emathitu poyiruvan. Aathuve innoruthan unggalekke valkai kuduke vantha, avane yellarum munnadi asinga paduthivingge.” (A guy would cheat on you and leave you and if another guy comes and gives you life, you’ll humiliate him in front of everybody.) Giving life? What kind of distorted logic is that? Is the girl a victim that you rescued? Isn’t she a human who had been hurt? I would accept the phrase if a guy gets dumped by his girlfriend and another girl steps forth to marry him, giving him life. This kalyanam ninnu pochi, inthe ponne ippo yaaru kattikuva, parisam aachi aprom mapley kalyanam vena nu sollitaru, inthe ponnu odeh valkai nasama pochi kathe ellam 80s and 90s leh mudinchi!
How many Indian guys here are willing to marry a girl who had lost her virginity ie chastity to another man she thought she’ll marry, a raped girl or an ex prostitute or even a disabled girl for that matter? If there are such guys, they make a huge fuss that they had sacrificed their whole life to marry such a girl who is not ‘pure’ anymore or not very functional and demand respect from the girl’s family and society. ‘Naa inthe ponnuku valkai pichai poten.” And, they expect to be saluted. Also the bent of making the girl subjugated to him because he had done a ulaga maha thyagam escalates. Aprom, yethavuthu sande na, “Adiyeh, patthini maari pesathe, kalyanathuku munnadi nee epdi irunthe nu nyabagam iruka?” They will kill the girl alive.
Indians generally connect the character of Indian girls to virginity, ie chastity. Let me ask, if that is the case, where does the character of an Indian guy lay?
Chastity equaling to character applies for both genders. Ever heard of chastity belts? Why does one has to have chastity restrain on the sexual organ? That chastity restrain should be in the head for both guys and girls.
It takes 2 to tango. In order for a girl willingly lose virginity or otherwise, an accomplice in the form of a guy is needed. If it’s wrong for a girl to lose her chastity out of wedlock, it is wrong for a guy to lose his chastity out of wedlock too. The same disgust that emerges on a girl who has lost her chastity before marriage should emerge on a guy who lost his chastity before marriage as well. That way, premarital sex can be stemmed. The point is, the guy should be equally shamed as the girl is shamed. Later on, when the guy becomes a father, he’d drill it into his son to not to engage in premarital sex and we won’t be wondering whether Indian girls are victims, objects or human.
And then Indian widows – as soon as their husband pass on, Indian girls/Indian women are expected to renounce most worldly pleasures as well as pottu, poove, colourful saris and other things that enhance their beauty. Sati got abolished but some form of Indian widow discrimination still exists. Of course it’s not so bad at present but Indian widows are still considered as worse luck, inauspicious and a bad omen and get sidelined in propitious occasions such as weddings, engagements and other Indian ritualistic functions. No widower gets sidelined like that and in fact, there is no term for widower in Tamil as far as I know. I don’t know about other Indian languages.
So, Indian girls and Indian women are victimized and objectified more than treated as a human being. We boast about living in the modern age but still blame Indian girls if they loose their virginity before marriage and still sideline Indian women who have lost their husbands. So, the question remains, are Indian girls/Indian women victim, object or human?