Many, nope, most Indian people especially our elders swear that Indian guys and girls can never be just friends – there must be some love vibes going on in between an Indian guy and girl’s friendship.
Our elders can accept that an Indian guy and an Indian girl here are just friends if they share comradeship with the opposite sex of a different race but not of Indian descent.
And, this mindset is not only true in Indian parents but Indian teachers too. Indian teachers are quick to point fingers at Indian students of opposite sex who are friends in a group and comment, “Goombel goombel ah ambele pombele teriyame thiriyithungge. Keataka, just friends. Ippo ithu trend ah pochu, friendship nu peru le ponnum paiyanum urasikittu, group ah ukkanthu vetti pechu peserethu.. Ithungge yellam epdi urupade poguthengge..”
Indian guys and girls definitely can be just friends
I have had elders being vitriolic at me because I have Indian guys as friends. One particular comment I cannot forget came from my school bus driver. I was friends with a pair of twins aboard the school bus. They were boys who went to an all boys school in town and I was a girl who went to a coed primary school and then an all girls secondary school. The twins and me were friends since we were 8 and we stayed friends up till we were 17. We’ve been so close for so long, I was able to identify which twin is which effortlessly. We used to tease each other and study with each other on board the bus. One day, when 3 of us, friends, were 15, the school bus driver remarked at me,”Ava, ava oru boyfriend vechikitte samalike mudile, nee 2 pereh vechittu ottureh, getti kaari tha.” All three of us got red in the face. Up till the bus driver’s backdated observation, our differing gender never crossed our minds – we were just friends. Our friendship was a crime in the eyes of the bus driver who was a pervert. He once told me,”Nee summa thala, thala nu thakkali maari iruke.” That man didn’t have the elevated character to judge our friendship. The twins and I took the comment in our stride and continued our friendship.
In reality, Indian guys and girls who are friends are just that, friends. Only elderly Indian people frown upon this new age relationship involving youngish Indian guys and girls. We are living in an increasingly globalized world. Back in our parents and grandparents’ days, they got married by the time they turn 21 and as maidens and bachelors, they were shy-shy. We cannot afford to be shy shy to work with a colleague/student/boss of the opposite sex at present. It has become a necessity and many Indian parents fail to understand this phenomenon. Of course there are odd ones out but to generalize that Indian guys and girls can never be just friends is neither eclectic nor wise;it’s folly.
If an Indian girl has a lot of Indian guys as friends, other Indians are quick to brand her as a flirt and characterless and it is likewise for Indian guys. There are cases where boyfriends or husbands who tell their girlfriends or wives to cut all friendships especially male friends. It is also true that most Indian ladies don’t maintain friendships after they get married as husband, in-laws and kids enter their lives, putting an end to friendships with both male and female friends. It is otherwise for most guys.
In the movie Thotta Chinunggi, the husband tortures the wife on the base of the wife’s friendship with a male neighbour that continues after her marriage. In the end, the male friend says that she is like his mother, that he regarded her as the mother he never had.. In the movie Oh My Friend, Shruthi Hassan and Siddarth are best of friends since they were kids. Their friendship becomes a problem in their respective love lives and their parents come to the decision that Shruthi should get married to Siddharth. Siddharth says to the folks that marrying Shruthi is akin to a brother and a sister to share the same bedroom for the rest of their lives.
I may give examples from movies but in reality, Indian guys and girls who have Indian friends of the opposite sex view them in many roles – father, mother, a sibling they never had, teacher and most of all a buddy who will stick with them through thick and thin.
When my father died, my friends, male friends came to the funeral without me asking them. I was hysterical and stuporous at my dad’s sudden demise and my male friends held me as I wept. I clung on them and they held me like how a mother would hold her child. Two of them were comforting my widowed mother and they never left our side until the hearse left with my dad’s coffin in it. They continued giving me support and impetus for me to overcome my loss. They are Indian guys and I’m an Indian girl. Friendship knows no gender.
There is an allegation that Indian guys and girls nowadays are very social and corrupt because they hug each other and give each other pecks on cheeks and foreheads and say love you, love you like how one would say hi or bye. Don’t we hug our fathers, mothers, brothers and sisters and tell them that we love them? As I said, friends can double up as parents or siblings but never as significant other because any Indian guys and girls having friendship with an Indian of opposite sex know the limitation. Yes, FRIENDZONED. A chaste hug and kiss and a casual love you is harmless. It shows appreciation, not culture disintegration. In English, we only have the word love to represent paasam, anbu and nesam and if it’s a big inconvenience, so be it.
Indian guys and girls can definitely be just friends. Naangge correct ah than irukom. Elderly Indians tha theve illame kutteye kelerurangge.