Nowadays, having a boyfriend or a girlfriend has become a necessity and the celebration of Valentine’s Day has become a must. Heck, kids as young as 10 are coupling up and uploading pics of themselves and their beaus on Facebook in celebration of Valentine’s Day.
It won’t be wrong to say that with the advent of social media, youngsters have 22 simultaneous romantic relationships going on in the virtual world, the word loyalty being an expletive or alien to them.
Gender equality and feminism in connection with Valentine’s Day
Whenever Valentine’s Day approaches, feminists would become hypocrites and gender equality, forgotten. They’d wait, hint, subtly push, fret, discuss with their girlfriends and be wide eyed in hopefulness and gut wrenching anticipation on what their boyfriends will get for them on Valentine’s Day.
Let me narrow this down to Malaysian Indian girls. In the wish list of married and working Indian women, the demands for gender equality are as follows:
- they demand gender equality in salary as opposed to men’s
- expect their husband to not get insecure if they make more money than their better half
- expect men not to get jealous when ladies outdo males in education and career
- expect men to do household chores and not laud their husband for cleaning the house he calls home, cook his own meals, wash his own clothes, change the diapers of his own kids and sacrifice Super Sports for Sex in the City.
Unmarried Indian girls are loud and shrill in their crusade of Indian guys not imposing culture, moral policing, public shaming and control when it comes to:
- premarital sex
The short film below illustrates the concept that if a man smokes/drinks it is harmful to health but if a woman smokes/drinks it is pernicious to culture. The understated message here is that the bad effects of smoking/drinking on the body is the same, regardless of gender. So, fags and alcohol laced beverages eh adikakudathu, kudikakudathu na, adikakudathu, kudikakudathu than.
On clubbing, Indian girls who go clubbing ain’t uncultured and if it is, Indian guys who go clubbing are uncultured too. What? Does the onus of preserving Indian culture lay only with Indian girls? Indian guys don’t share the responsibility? And, I’d like to meet the genius who linked clubbing culture of Indian girls to spoiling Indian culture. Clubs are a recent invention; Indian culture dates back to Indus civilization and excavators of Mohenjo Daro and Harappa only discovered public baths, not clubs. Appedi paathaka, Valentine’s Day is also the day where many Indian couples enjoy a day out at clubs so might as well say Valentine’s Day adulterate Indian culture not? So many self designated moral polices and culture defenders.
On the jarring and popular claim that Indian girls who had premarital sex are practically disintegrating Indian culture and are nothing but sluts and harlots, who did the girls sleep with? Casper? In order to make sound, two hands are needed to clap so if Indian girls who have premarital sex are bitches and whores then Indian guys who have premarital sex and most probably pestered girls to pander to their carnal wants are lechers and lubricious who are equally responsible for the subversion of Indian culture. It takes two to tango.
Don’t get me wrong and come to the conclusion that I smoke, drink, club and sleep around. I don’t do any of these and there are some Indian girls who think just because I defend them, I must do all of what I defend. I am merely supporting individual rights. It’s up to people to elevate their risk to get lung and liver cancer, contract venereal diseases and do the kepak dance half naked, be it male or female. I did try smoking when I was 13 and went to a club with my sister when I was 18. Didn’t fancy both. I am no angel but nerdy, so yeah.
On the behalf of Indian girls who are yuppies, the meme below would be their correct stance.
Yet, these clamour of feminism and gender equality are let out of the window once Valentine’s Day approaches; Indian girls and even aunties become extremely dependent, feeble and sometimes turn into a monster. Girls expect their boyfriends to do something special for them and they don’t really bother to reciprocate or preempt the love of their life. Just sit and expect and when the expectations are not met, sulk or even go to the extent of breaking up. In the case of married women, their mind voice would go, “Veetukku va, unakku poojai irukku.”
When you want to achieve gender equality then you should not expect your boyfriend to make the first effort in pampering and appreciating you. Why don’t you best your boyfriend on Valentine’s Day and surprise him? Yet, many Indian guys have ego issues – if they are not the one who pay for dinner, movie tickets and be the first to give gifts on Valentine’s Day, they’d feel stripped off their masculinity. It’s distorted chivalry, gallantry and gentleman nuance which also undermines the capacity of Indian girls in a subtle way.
But, it would be good if girls step up and spend equally in relationship, not only on Valentine’s Day but every other day to avoid the brand, “Ava selevu panna tha oru loosa thedura.” If you want a relationship to last, then the two people in the relationship should work for it. This is for those who are in a relationship to subsequently get hitched, not ditched after ‘matter’ is over like this favourite song of mine so eloquently puts.
The day before Valentine’s Day is reserved for girls to propose. Only one day in a year for girls to make the first move? Heck, I propose whenever I want to!
Invest in your relationship, not Valentine’s Day
Many couples have broken up due to petty reasons like boyfriend forgetting to get his girlfriend a Valentine’s day gift or forgot the anniversary of proposal. For those girls, I’m like, “Neengeh pandrethu kadhal ah?”
Save up for your future with your loved one, get all the stuff necessary to live a comfortable life with each other in the future and get to know each other’s habits, both good and bad. The latter is most important because we only show our best when we are in love. After marriage, the concealed respective bad habits hit each other like walls of tidal waves, leaving each other reeled and disillusioned.
Ladies, don’t fight if your boyfriend/husband did not get you anything on Valentine’s Day. Our parents and grandparents did not celebrate Valentine’s Day but they invested in their marriage.
It’s not wrong to celebrate Valentine’s Day. It breathes fresh life into the fleeting love after marriage and fortifies love relationships but making a huge fuss over Valentine’s Day in case your boyfriend absent mindedly did not get anything for you, sulking, not talking and wanting to break up are not going to ameliorate your relationship. Instead of sulking, hug him and say, “It’s okay darling, I love you.” It will do wonders for your relationship and it would be one unforgettable Valentine’s Day. Being in each other’s company, understanding each other, being there for each other and sticking together through thick and thin is love. If you have all that, everyday is Valentine’s Day. I remember an African woman bursting into tears when her husband gave her a bunch of plantains on Valentine’s Day. Why plantains? It was because they were that poor. The plantains were certainly worth their weight in gold. It made me introspect on the meaning of love and Valentine’s Day.
Valentine’s Day is love commercialized. Happy Valentine’s Day folks!