“Are you pure?” asked the guy who came to see Thanalakshmi for marriage. Unable to get the gist of his question, Thanalakshmi pressed on, “Pure? What do you mean by that?” “Pure as in untouched?” he clarified. Thanalakshmi now understood what he wanted to ask and retorted back at him, “Ninggeh yenna kalyanam panna ponnu theduringgela illeh a brand new, untouched object eh vaangge vanthurikinggela,” agitated by such a question. He was shocked at such a reply, but before he could say anything. the educated, career woman Thanalakshmi continued, “Well you can say if there was an exam about ‘purity’ I wouldn’t top it!” His family and he left after a pudi pudikeraning session of pisang goreng, kesari and masala tea at the expense of Thanalakshmi’s salary.
The next day he rang up Thanalakshmi’s dad and told him that he cannot marry Thanalakshmi as she is a girl with low morals. Bang on! Welcome to the progressive Indian community where we claim to be modern people but still make virginity a base to check a girl’s morals or her capability to become a good wife.
Today, we claim that women have an equal status in the society with that of men, but some of us are still under the orthodox views of using a white bed sheet on the first night of marriage just to check the bride’s virginity!!! The guy may himself have slept with number of girls but he wants a “pure”, “untouched” girl as a wife. Why?
Answer – it is just to satisfy his male ego that the girl he is going to spend his life with has been and will be only his“possession” as well as his performance anxiety; he does not want an ‘experienced’ wife. If today a girl loses her virginity with a guy she loves truly but the guy turns out to be a cheat then she is tagged as a “slut”, “vandi”, “characterless girl.” MIND YOU these being the most decent words I can pen down ,else there are a million more worse words in our mother tongue’s vocabulary.
I ask what is the mistake of the girl? She loved a guy? She slept with someone she thought she would marry? Or, she now has lost her purity which would satisfy her to-be husband’s male ego and make him believe that she is fit to be his wife! And, again no answers I could come up with!
I absolutely support the fact that we Tamils/Indians should not give up on our morals and accept everything that westernization extends to us but I wonder how can a biological wall in the girl’s body by breaking decide the level of her morals?
I mean Thanalakshmi could have been a great wife; she was marrying the guy her parents chose – maybe she had a relationship with another guy in the past and even slept with him, thinking that he will marry her until she discovered all he had for her was lust, not love. But, all that were not a matter to weigh and consider at all – all that matters is whether she is ‘pure’ in the aforementioned lexicon, that is, in the mind, not in the freaking fragile membrane between her legs.
And I am forced to wonder that what would happen to those rape victims? Who would marry those girls?
More often than not, a girl from a sports background,has always been told by those orthodox distant relatives to quit it. Why? It is because physical exertion may result in the breakage of the hymen, in other words in Tamil, Kanni thanni. Some people discourage girls from using tampons too as it might rupture or stretch the membrane. Aiyo, so much fuss over a tiny body part!!
Yes, I am also a girl, a Tamil girl, who values her morals, for whom her dignity is priceless, who has always dreamed of her Prince Charming coming to sweep her off her feet and who has always planned her wedding sari and reception dress! But, I am also a girl who belongs to the globalized world, interacts with the opposite sex, loves, has break ups, overcomes them and smiles again and no one has a right to tag me any thing for that reason!
I just request Tamil/Indian guys out there that the next time you go looking for a girl for marriage, search for a true heart and not something like a car in mint condition, because she ‘s gonna be your life partner, not your ride of pride. She’s a woman, not a second hand car.
When you look at a beautiful girl coming behind you, wearing the thali you tied around her neck, her metti, tinkling, looking at the Arundhati Vashista nakshatram with you, dressed in a lovely red wedding sari, leaving her parents, siblings, pet dog, friends, the comforts of her own room, her ideals, her likes and basically the world as she knows it behind, to become a part of your family, to share a bedroom with you, to bear you your kids, grow old with you and ultimately share her life, her whole life ahead of her with you, accept her the way she is, make her life a bed of roses rather than testing her virginity or purity by making her lay down on a bed with white bed sheet to consummate the wedding because true love will make your marriage successful – her “purity” and “the moral wall” won’t.