Sometimes, Indians here become particular about skin colour when it comes to marriage, specifically arranged marriage – fair skin is preferred. And, this preference is especially true in Indian women. Dark skinned Indian women have it tough when it comes to matchmaking. Some Indian guys, when searching for their significant other, be like, “Takkera Tamanna maari irukkanum. Segheppa Samantha maari irukkanum.” Neengeh kalyanam panna ponnu theduringgela illeh Kodambakkam le padam edukka oru heroine eh theduringgela?
The quest to make one fair skinned begins in the womb itself. If ultrasound scan reveals that the gender of the fetus is female, that’s it; mothers, grandmothers, aunties and every other elderly Indian ladies would push and fret. They will make the expecting mother drink saffron and almond infused milk and gorge on foods like butter, ghee and coloured vegetables and fruits. Some Indian women swear that taking iron pills when pregnant will result in the fetus being born with a dark hued skin. What if the mother is anemic? Oru 4 tube Fair & Lovely cream ulle vitta after consuming iron pills would cancel the darkening effect I suppose. Rightfully, the focus should be on the baby being born healthy, not fair skinned.
More often than not, it is not the potential groom’s biggest concern about the skin colour of their potential bride. This is especially true in educated Indian guys. They don’t give much emphasis on skin colour. They know that it is better to have a brainy and capable wife rather than a fair skinned wife. It is the Indian guys’ mothers who zoom into skin colour when searching for wives for their sons. I have witnessed this in my family; trust me, it is pretty ugly.
Some dark skinned Indian guys say they want a fair wife so that their kids would be born with the more favourable skin colour. Aiyo, kadavule.. SPM Biology fail ah anneh? Skin colour is determined by genes. My sister-in-law is dusky and my brother is fair. Their only son has the looks of my brother and the skin colour of his mother. My mother has tried everything to reverse the skin colour of my nephew. She scrubbed him with kasthoori manjal, ground fenugreek and green beans but nothing worked. I have heard my mother lament many times when bathing and dressing her grandson,”Yellame unakku sariya than da irukku, niram thavure.” I always notice the hurt in my sister-in-law’s eyes everytime she hears her mother-in-law passing such comments. It is genes and no amount of kasthoori manjal scrub is going to reverse dark skin in anyone. I know dark skinned Chindians. GENES.
Dark skinned Indian women are always shamed in many ways. Relatives would notice even the slightest skin tone change in dark skinned Indian women and gush, “You have been staying indoors haven’t you? No wonder you look better.” Looking better is proportioned as being fairer. In many, many cases, dark skinned Indian women are sidelined when it comes to being bridesmaids aka tholli ponnu. The worst thing that a relative or even a parent can tell dark skinned Indian women is to settle for a less than perfect man on the tacit understanding of their less than perfect colour.
One of dark skinned Indian women pouring her heart out
This is an actual email by my beautiful dark skinned cousin sister which she sent to me:
Lately I'm so stressed with relatives and people who always comment on my skin color. I was born this way. What can I do? I have never been sad for all these comments but they really stress me up lately. I'm growing older and I'm not married. I was rejected time and time again because of my dark skin. Some of the people who come to ponnu paakeraning me had the audacity to tell me to to use turmeric powder and consider bleaching my skin if I am to get married. I am so angry sis! Once an aunty said, "Do you know that the groom is fairer than you?" What does that supposed to mean? Did she mean that I better accept him just because he is fairer than me? That I should be considered lucky to have a fair skinned guy who sacrificed his life to accept a dark skinned woman like me as his wife? What a logic????? Even last week, a so called proposal happened. That guy's mum didn't want to talk and avoided us, just because I'm not fair, the meeting has been arranged in a wedding of their relation and we had to go there. My mum had told every one, "My daughter is not fair," but still they insisted her for a meet up. At the end of the day, they rejected me for skin color, I don't understand all this shit. You know something, most rejected me by saying ' I'm short' , 'I'm not modern', 'not fair' and not wealthy. No one ever asked if I could take care of their parents, siblings or even him as a wife. These people failed to analysis me if I'm a kind person or rich in good values. Never took attempt to communicate with me in order to know me better. All they wanted was being fair, fair and fair but failed to understand the meaning of inner beauty! Poor people who think that only being fair and beautiful as in fair carries value to family, At times, I just hate those people, how much they hurting me. I'm helpless sometimes coz of family members and relatives who rather tell me to try to get fair or accept a school dropout as my husband. You know that I did MA and is going to do PhD soon. I just nod my head at whatever they say because I just don't wanna be rude and create enemies.
The above is true for some dark skinned Indian guys too but it’s is not so entrenched like it is for dark skinned Indian women. The phrase, ‘tall, dark and handsome;, extends that veracity. And, in Tamil movies, dark skinned male actors have created a niche for them. From Rajini to Thanush, their dark skin colour is not made a big deal. There are very few dark skinned actresses in the Indian movie industry. A song which glorifies the dark skin colour of Indian men is incorporated in the movie Vetri Kodi kattu.
Often times Indians tend to confuse love with skin colour. I have seen, in every Indian wedding, it is almost compulsory that one, especially elderly Indian ladies to stop and stare at the bride and groom, rate them according to the fairness of their skin and then pass comments on how fair/dark they are and then wonder how they ended up with each other. The wonder gets deeper especially if the bride is darker than the groom. I have heard a particularly scathing comment from a lady in a wedding; the bride was very dark compared to the groom. The lady said out aloud,”Enna vasiyam pannalo teriyile, ipdi oru karuppana ponnuku chekke chevenu maapley.”
Dark skinned Indian women don’t want pity. Marrying a dark Indian woman does not mean the guy is giving her vaalkai pichai. Like my cousins sister, dark skinned Indian women have potential just like any other differently coloured women. Focus on their potential, not their skin colour unless you want a bunga dedap. Dark skinned Indian women are worth so much more than their skin colour.
9 Comments
Asha Jayne
True in most cases. I have first hand experience on this matter, maybe worse as I have a sister 10 tones lighter than me. However, I have learnt to overcome this and ignore people’s shallow-minded comments. I now know that a girl’s beauty lies in her intelligence and confidence. Regardless of what your genetic make-up is, if you present yourself well and carry yourself with class, you are the most beautiful woman there ever can be. Yet, despite all this, I have heard insensitive remarks from people about my sister and husband being extremely light in complexion – imagine almost European light. To this people, I tell myself – I pity your lack of Education and ignorance – and smile and move on with my life. It took me awhile to learn that it doesn’t matter what your skin colour is, but I did learn that. I consider myself lucky that my husband is not one of those Indian men who looks at skin colour. In fact his entire family members look like they stepped out of Hindi movie. But you know what? I am confident to say that in my family photo with them, I do look beautiful simply because I have been taught by my loving husband to dress like British royalty and put on a million-dollar smile. And to your cousin who’s going through this, do not settle for anyone who tells you are anything but beautiful inside and out. ♥
Sree
I just couldn’t stop myself from commenting. First of all, I’m a dark skinned girl and at the age of getting married. The most concerned people of the skin colour, I would say the mothers then follows the men. They would want their grandchild to be fair and therefore if their son is dark they are finding for fair skin girl to make it right. My mother is a match maker and I see that everytime she gets a client. “I would want a fair skin girl for my son”, that’s the first rule. I always get frustrated and ask back my mom, what will happen to girls like me? I am facing the same thing. My mom is asking me to apply all sorts of powder to make myself fair but that’s not what I wish to do. I want the guy to look at how dark I can be but still loves me for who I am. Beauty is not the appearance but the heart that matters the most. I will not settle for someone who doesn’t know how to see the inner beauty.
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Dhanraj
Dark skin girls much more beautiful than they ever thought..!!<3
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Monica
This is so sad. I am a fair skinned African American female, in love with a dark skinned Tamil guy. I find it disheartening that some Indians suffer with the slave mentality that blacks suffer from. White people have historically been to every continent enslaving and colonizing people and yet people of color want to emulate these people. You all need to practice self-love, and then you will be able to embrace and love others. It only makes sense that if you hate your own skin, how could you embrace someone else with dark skin? I have met many educated fools & believe me (these comments are utterly ridiculous and embarassing). I WISH I COULD JUST SHAKE SOME BLACK/BROWN PEOPLE, UNTIL THEY REALIZE that WHITE people have went around the world teaching people to hate their hair, skin, nose etc…I will never allow people to perpetuate these ideals on to my children. Take a stand against this (parents). Remember GOD gave all races beauty, intellect, and the ability to make right & wrong choices.
PRAYERFULLY YOURS,
MONICA
Thomas
>> White people have historically been to every continent enslaving and colonizing people <<
People of color invaded Europe long before Europeans colonized other countries.
* The African Moors invaded Spain and Portugal, controlling those nations for centuries.
* The Mongols extended their empire as far west as Switzerland, controlling Russian and much of Eastern Europe for centuries.
* The Turks invaded as far as Vienna, controlling the Balkans for centuries.
Happily, the indigenous European peoples eventually expelled these invaders and colonizers of color.
So you see, Europeans didn't start the invading and colonizing.
Camara
I think people need to adress this issue at its root. Before the european colonisation of india and the rest of the world peolpe had a far more intelligent way of appreciating brown skin. Due to european brain washing we dont remem brama and krishna were so dark they were blue black. What is the need tochange hindu Gods looks today? The answer is to make the white european oppresser superior to darker skinned people world wide. Before european colonization and slavery there was no distinction of limitation put. Color put on any one by any race or nation. By the way before white. supremacy your nation was your race. We need to stop taking the oppressor way of thinking. For instance who gives us the terminolgy fair skin the word india niger. You see when europens colonized the europeans colonized the world they gave names to places that already had names they rewrote all of the people who they conquereds history and wrote lies. To keep us in mental slavery.. So if the Gods of the Vedas were black then why do we need fair skined pictures of brama shiva and krishna. To lie about God and the hindu people mad in Gods image is blasphemy and you we should wrekognize the beauty in all humans. And love th we darkskinned people because that was the Gods of Indias choice color. Because the hindu Gods chose to be none other than black. Dont worry at the end of kaliyuga the. White suppremacist way of thinking will be destroyed
thewhitechance
J Bram
I am a university educated, wealthy, fair skinned man from a professional family who prefers DARK skinned women. The darker the better. I find them to be magnificently beautiful as do many men who have not been subjected to the nonsense of bigotry against dark skin. Most of us are in the USA unfortunately for us and the dark beauties back in India and south east Asia. They are sooo beautiful!!!!!!! Dark skin, hair and eyes. I really admire it. Fair skin and especially skin that has been bleached (we can tell) just looks weak to me and doesn’t make my heart beat deeply.