In an episode of the Tamil mega serial Deivamagal, a girl gets kidnapped and lodged at a brothel. She somehow gets rescued and brought back home after a while. Immediately after the girl’s safe returning, all of her family members were extremely concerned of her virginity. She got married but did not consummate the marriage yet, athan pa, first night innum nadakale. Now that she has been held at the brothel, everyone is concerned on whether she was violated in anyway.
I cannot help but wonder on how misplaced the priorities are and the message the serial conveys – the girl’s virginity is put above her life – shouldn’t her family members who are supposed to love and care for her be thankful that she returned safely? Why are they focusing on her virginity? They should be relieved that she wasn’t sold to another state for prostitution but all that was portrayed in the serial is that everyone was worried dead that she is no longer pure. They made it look like as if her entire life is dependent on her virginity and that she being a virgin is more important than being alive. If the girl had died, I am sure gossip mongers would hype on whether she is still ‘pure’ at the time of her death or not.
Kamal Hassan is one Indian actor who is trying to break this Indian obsession with virginity mould as seen in the movie Mahanadhi where he marries off his daughter who was forced into prostitution after several twisted events. As far as I know, this is the only Tamil movie which boldly extends that the virginity of girls is not their whole worth.
Indian obsession with virginity and how it is so wrong
In Indian movies, specifically Tamil movies and now even in serials, raped women would commit suicide – still some kill themselves to avoid being raped but if the rapist has the fetish for necrophilia then it’s a different story.
On why it is portrayed that Indian women killed themselves after getting raped or before getting raped is because women are considered as the honour of their family – the honour is precisely the virginity or purity of the women – it is deemed that honour is lost after they get raped hence them making themselves cease to exist. It is considered righteous too, ergo such a scene in the serial. There is a concept in Indian culture that expounds ‘oruthanukku oruthi’ which means for one man, there should be only one woman in matrimony. In the case of Jauhar Rani Padmini, she and her women country folk immolate themselves before taken captive by a rival king – this is what I meant by oruthanukku oruthi concept. Married Indian women would rather die than be bedded by any man except her husband. But, this orathunukku oruthi doesn’t apply for Indian men. In the movie Thenaliraman, the king has 32 wives.. Epdi than samalichanggelo 😛
But, we have evolved and this Indian obsession with virginity cannot afford to stay. We now live in an increasingly globalized world. Indian women have to interact with guys on many levels – they cannot afford to be coy and aghast to go for lunch with a male college mate or colleague. I have many Indian male friends and I call them buddy and we talk about everything under the sun. Have I lost my purity because I have male Indian friends? Most of the time, it is not Indian guys who judge the character of Indian girls based on their male friend circle – it is Indian girls themselves. “Hey, avale paaren, konjum kude vekkame illame ambelengge kitte valiyura..”
On the Indian obsession with virginity in the perspective of some Indian guys, they would want ultra modern Indian girls as girlfriends and to bang but want a wife which is angelic, bashful, traditional and most importantly, virgin.
There was a Facebook page featuring Malaysian Indian girls photos (many of them were not Malaysian Indian girls; they were desi girls. It was a tactic by the admin to lure fans and have them share local Indian girls’ photos) I was too free at that time and I went loggerheads with the admin that what he is doing is neither moral policing nor advising the girls but promoting their pics to lechers which falls in the category of cyber bullying. The admin gave me the lock and key analogy and insisted that guys can find out whether a girl is a virgin or not, that the ability is inborn. He also said that guys don’t have such thing called virginity since they don’t have a hymen. Lawak bodo..
Some Indian mothers forbid their daughters from using tampons because it might rupture their hymen. And, there is a way to check girls’ virginity on the wedding night – spread white bed sheet and in the morning, if there is no blood stain, it means the girl sudah kena tebuk tupai and would be sent back to her parents, resulting in her becoming a vaala vetti. Believe me, there are mothers who tell their daughters the above. I wonder whether such virginity obsessed mothers actually love their daughters. I mean how a mother could marry her daughter off to a family of such sordid mentality that ‘checks’ the virginity of the daughter in the most primitive, disgusting way. Still, there is a contention on whether girls bleed during their first time or not – it differs from individual to individual. Some girls are born naturally without the hymen so blame God or mother nature, not the girl. Aiyo, all this fuss about a freaking, fragile membrane!
There is a Tamil anecdote that sounds like this: Ponnungga nalla inrutha thaan, kudumbam nalla irukkum. Kudumbam nalla iruntha thaan, samugam nalla irukkum. Avathum pennaleh, azhivathum pennale. This nalla irukkum thingy is directly proportional to the virginity of girls besides their disposition to uphold Indian culture and social activities. May I ask, is the betterment of the Malaysian Indian society only lie on the conduct of girls? Don’t men count in the betterment of society and family as well? Who frequent brothels? Brothels exist because of demand from the known gender in question. Does that not taint our society? No woman would choose prostitution as her profession – she is forced into the sex trade. Which gender make up 99.99% of gangsters here? Girls? I admit, there are roguish Indian girls who have cat fights and if that tarnishes our society, gang fights involving Indian males here forward the same effect too. In order for something to happen or materialize, both man and woman play complementing roles. This is even preached in Hinduism – without Shakthi, Sivan would lose His power and vice versa. Watch Saraswathy Sabatham, old version. But, of course it’s easier to pass the morality dwindling buck to girls as though men are angels descended straight from the heavens. How convenient. I mean some guys and some girls.
Some guy said that good Indian guys go into wrong paths and then self destruct because of Indian girls. Aama, guys ellam pache pulleh, girls tha vanthu thavarane vallile ambelenggeleh illuthutu porangge. Good people and bad apples exist in both genders. Peer pressure, bad influence, derailed thought process and carnal conduct are gender blind. Who roofies the drinks of girls? Who asks for sex while being in a relationship? Who follow girls in groups like a hungry pack of wolves? If it’s Indian girls’ fault to go clubbing and having a love relationship and even step out of the house, let’s impose on females to stay in kitchens and have only arranged marriages. Neenggeh ready na naanggelum ready. Neenggeh oru ponne propose panna, she should scream,”Aiyo, yaaravuthu vaangele, inthe paiyan thappu thappa pesran!” Are you ready to get trashed? Then, will you accept the girl as a flawless, perfect Indian girl?
Now, such ideals are now incorporated in Tamil mega serials, this Indian obsession with virginity going full swing. The girl in the particular episode declares tearfully,”If I was violated in any way, you would only find me as a corpse!” Muruga, mudileh. Uyir mukkiyam illeh, karpu tha mukkiyam. Uyir pona ponathu tha aana karpu can be restored via hymenoplasty if you have the money. Kanna, ithukku peru tha science.
Who watches Tamil mega serials? Our mothers, mothers-in-law, aunts and grandmothers and they are constantly bombarded by such obsolete and redundant establishments. As far as I am concerned, Tamil serials are as noxious as Chutti TV is for kids.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not advocating premarital sex. All I’m saying is that Indian guys should be equally blamed for not preserving their virginity (Yes, guys have virginity too. Your virginity is gone at the first time you were at it.) until marriage like girls. Like I said, mother nature meant for male and females to complement each other. Girls shouldn’t be graded by only taking their chastity into account and life is certainly more important than virginity. This Indian obsession with virginity (the virginity of girls) needs to get jettisoned.
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