I watched this video where Candy talks about her vile woman of a mother.
It’s just so saddening when the very ones who are supposed to protect and love us are the ones who hurt us.
But, what caught my attention is how this girl branded herself unmarriageable. It’s ridiculous. I mean, her brother is affected just like her. Is he now unmarriageable?
Ridiculous Terms and Conditions for women when it comes to Marriage
What should you look for when you want to marry someone? Someone to share your life with, someone to live harmoniously with. In what way women are unmarriageable when they are victims? Victims of abuse, victims of rape. Having illnesses like epilepsy also makes women unmarriageable!
This is why rapes and abuses that happen to girls/women are covered up – because no one will marry them. Fuck marriage. When I was diagnosed with my genetic illness at 19 years-old of age, the first thing that came up was the issue of my marriage. I had just written my pre-u exam and raring to go to university and it was my marriage which was the burning question in the hospital among my family members. Not even my health. The decency of not discussing my marriageable traits within my earshot wasn’t even present. It was then I decided in myself that not getting married isn’t a deal worth even thinking about. As days passed, my resolve only grew stronger. Today, my family only talks about my success despite my health issues. Acquaintances ask me why I am unmarried, I am ‘beautiful’ it seems. Hmmph, I brush em off. Only a few friends that I trust know about my medical condition.
Coming back to Candy’s issue, in the comment section, many self-professed Tamil male martyrs were ready to give her ‘vazhkai’.
Dei, don’t for once you think that you are giving women who were raped, widowed, ill, dark-skinned or having been publicly disgraced life by marrying them. That’s a failed married life at the outset because you have put yourself on a pedestal that you are the life giver hence the woman should always tolerate everything you do and grovel at your feet because you gave her the alm of life by marriage. A marriage doesn’t work like that!
Women don’t need a marriage that sees them as lesser and less-worthy beings who are only to be pitied coz they are disgraced
It’s perfectly alright if a woman isn’t married especially in this gross marriage setting – becoming unmarriageable due to society’s stupid standards imposed only on women and the men who marry these type of women becoming literally God. “Nandri solla unakku vartha illa enakku,” Enakku flow la ketta vartha vanthurum, vena.
A man is marriageable even if he’s a womaniser or a lazy ass – avanukku oru kalyanam panni vecha sariya poidum. Innumerable lives of women are a living hell due to this adage. But, a woman who has a medical condition and a victim of abuse and exploitation is unfit for marriage. A woman suffering for no fault of hers is unfit for marriage. Who set these double standards that elevate men’s status to deific? Fuck it. Women who are stigmatised as unmarriageable are better off on their own. Also, no one cares about the trauma and mental pressures these women go through and that psychiatric help is crucial. Instead, they rub salt on the injury either by commenting, “Aiyo, paavam, ivala yaar kalyanam pannippa?” or by the subliminal drilling of how such women are not fit for marriage. Not every woman has my kind of mental fortitude. Most don’t and need support and they don’t get what they need. They get the last thing they need from this marriage obsessed society.
Last but not least, women are expected to bring wayward men into the right path – in fact, this is how Tamil boys define ‘real feminism’ (ungala aprom vechikren). In the same way, why don’t men bring ‘wayward women’ adhan pa, 90 ml types (of which the male version is completely fine) to the right path? Women aren’t babysitters of men. Be responsible for your actions as adults and don’t persecute women for their own victimisation and human flaws (which is no problem when men show)
If you think you are giving life to women by marrying them, please stop short and re-evaluate yourself.
She has an opinion on every Malaysian Indian goings on. She can be called Karuthu Kannama. She writes on issues that matter in our Indian community and forwards fresh and sometimes revolutionary ideals.
