Recently, I was blocked by a so called modern & intelligent Indian guy in Facebook because he found my views on Indian men were extreme and one sided – he blocked me after saying that I am no different than the Delhi rapists. Not that I care. It wasn’t me huffing and puffing wanting to be friends with him. It was otherwise.
I never generalise in my articles when I am critical of Indian guys who see it only fit to pillory Indian girls for polluting Indian culture in line with Indian patriarchy. Who eats the chili, his ass will burn – that’s the understatement. We’ll see whether Indian guys who call Indian girls who party, drink, smoke and have had premarital sex as bad Indian girls, deserving censure and even rape are lesser or more than modern Indian guys who don’t see Indian girls doing all that are bad girls and support the picture below:
The supposed definition of Modern Indian girls
Many Indian girls think that the only way to be equal with Indian guys and be modern is by smoking, drinking and having premarital sex. That’s a fallacious thought process and it’s not what women empowerment, feminism and the break free from patriarchy account for. Equal playing field in career, salary increment, the breaking into male dominated education and job choices and the breaking of gender stereotype are what gender equality and modern Indian women account for.
I know why Indian girls go up in arms (me included) when we are incriminated for drinking, clubbing, smoking, in a living relationship and having premarital because all that are perfectly alright and even rightful for Indian guys to do them all but all of it become a crime of the highest order when girls do them. In the video below, Hip Hop Tamila made a song out of the one sided judgment which hailed him as the rap guardian of Indian culture:
Drinking, smoking, clubbing, partying and having premarital sex are choices of individuals and gender stereotype revolving them should stop if we want to make any progress as an Indian minority, marginalised and relegated community. Anthe activities ellam aangal ku mattum than nu kutthagaika eduthangge?
Modern Indian guys who are acknowledging the liberation of Indian girls
Many Indian guys are still in the mentality where they’ll spread a white bed sheet on their wedding night and later check if there’s blood stain on it, completely oblivious to other factors that might rupture the hymen and the fact that some women are born without a hymen. Yet, there are modern Indian guys out there who don’t mind accepting an Indian girl who had had sex with another guy so long she stays faithful and loyal to him, within their relationship. These type of modern Indian guys know that a girl’s morality doesn’t lie in between her legs but in her mind. There are many Indian girls and guys out there only not having intercourse but indulge in oral sex and sex chats so what really matters is being moralistic in the mind. These modern Indian guys are also not judgmental if their girl has been saving her virginity for the one. For them, the virginity of a girl is not a matter at all. If the modern Indian guy is a virgin himself, he doesn’t feel entitled to have a virgin wife. Modern Indian guys know that Indian girls are worth much more than their virginity and acknowledge that if girls losing virginity before marriage aren’t good girls so are the guys who slept with them.
Nowadays, people who marry their first lover are a rare find and modern Indian guys know this and don’t expect an Indian girl that has never been in a relationship before. Modern Indian guys would have been in relationships themselves and walked out when things didn’t work out and just as they feel that they did the right thing by walking out from a wrong relationship they see it fit for Indian girls to have walked out of wrong relationships. Most importantly, modern Indian guys don’t squarely say that Indian girls are the ones who are unfaithful in a relationship, dump their boyfriends arbitrarily and don’t love truly. They know to do all that, gender is not a decisive factor and abhor lines like ‘inthe ponnunggale ippadi than purinji pochi da,’ and ‘ponnunggele nambi, kettu ponavangge rombe, antha varisayil naanum ippo kadaisiyil ninnen’. Instead of growing a beard and become a slave to alcohol after being left by their love, modern Indian guys would grow their life bettering skills and become a slave to rounded ethics, chivalry, gallantry and quality.
Drinking and smoking
For modern Indian guys, if it’s okay for them to drink and smoke, then it’s okay for Indian girls to do so as well. If the modern Indian guy detests anyone who smokes and drinks, he detests them regardless of their gender and he does not think that Indian girls who drink and smoke are bad but choices they make on their own accord and reasons. As far as modern Indian guys are concerned, if one, no matter Indian guy or girl drink or smoke, they must be responsible, sensible, exercise moderation and not harm themselves and others. That’s their only condition.
Having male friends
Modern Indian guys know, for a fact that Indian girls and Indian guys can be just friends and best friends. The modern Indian guy doesn’t mind his Indian girlfriend/wife having lunch with her male colleague and him dropping her home. He will make his girlfriend/wife’s male friends his buddies and give her the freedom to go out with her own circle of friends. The modern Indian guy won’t expect his girlfriend/wife to make him the center of her world – he’d give her her space and trusts her.
Indian guys who are modern don’t measure the morality of an Indian girl by the length of her skirt and thinks dressing as she likes is her right as a human and he does not have the right to touch her without her consent and judge her sordidly, based on her dressing. Modern Indian guys won’t justify rape and molestation by saying that clothes that the victims wore provoked them, knowing that clothes are just a fashion statement and fashion evolution and adherence don’t sum up the character of Indian girls and most definitely should not be used to vindicate sexual harassment.
Modern Indian guys don’t feel threatened and feel like their manliness is busted when faced with Indian girls who are doing better than them in education, career and earn more than them. They’d encourage their wives to pursue higher studies like Surya Vamsam Sarathkumar and actually feel proud that their wife/girlfriend are more educated than them and make more than them, inferiority complex, jettisoned. A real life example which is surprisingly in the olden times and largely unknown is Jyotirao Phule who treated his wife, Savithribai as a friend and educated her right from day one of their matrimony. Conversely, more respected and known Indian icons like Mahatma Gandhi, Nehru, Servapalli Radhakrishnan, etc who all got hitched at a young age with girls much younger than them went abroad for higher studies, leaving their wives at home totally illiterate or semi-literate.
Being a homemaker
As a stepping stone towards achieving gender equality, the modern Indian guy does not dismiss household chores as work for women. He would clean the house, do the laundry, cook, feed, bathe, clothe and wash the butt of his kid he had a part in bringing into this world and not expect to be praised for being gracious, thoughtful, lovely, helpful and understanding. Instead, modern Indian guys see that it is their home, their kids and their responsibility to manage as well, not only their wives’ responsibility.
These are just few aspects I can think of how modern Indian guys give credibility and liberty to Indian girls. Do you think such modern Indian guys exist among us or only in our dreams or will they remain mythical figures?
Comment your thoughts below.