It is the advent of Internet and many people try to find love on the Internet. This phenomena is called online dating. The types of online dating are various, from social medias like Facebook and exclusive online dating sites, with the latter, being more specific of the agenda in question. Online dating should not be confused with online matchmaking, with the former, being spurious and perilous.
Online dating is deceptive
I only have a Facebook account. Yet, guys who add me on Facebook ask my Whatsapp number and I’d be like you are already a Facebook friend, so why want Whatsapp some more? They’d be like, “Whatsapp is more personal. We can talk nicely, get closer..” Amma sattiyema enekeh Whatsapp illeh, Facebook mattum than. And, why the heck I should get closer to them?
Indian guys, at least the ones I’ve come across on Facebook, would literally interview me in the name of ‘Introw plz’. Soalan cepu emas adalah, “You got boyfriend arr?” Once, I got so fed up with a guy asking me my most personal details, I snapped at him, “Why you ask me so many questions? You want to marry me arr?” He was like, “Can, can, I want to marry you.” We just got talking and see how he’s ready to marry me.
I received many proposals via Facebook from half baked guys who can’t even string a simple sentence in Bahasa Melayu but their level of confidence being the height of Mt Everest. Of course I rejected em all. I have standards.
Which girl doesn’t like flattery? I get flattery in oodles on Facebook from guys who are total strangers and some old men, old enough to be my father. Recently a temple priest tried at me, saying that I’m very beautiful, spelling, totally haywire and my answer to him was, “Mooditu poyiru.” His position demands respect but his conduct does not.
There are men looking for a free quickie, if you know I mean, in the name of online dating. I’ve had such experiences and it’s incredibly intolerable. Not just guys, even girls who are lesbians. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for LGBT rights but I happen to be sapiosexual and heterosexual.
Last but not least, calling me ‘dear’, ‘darling’, ‘syg’ and other endearing names. One word encapsulates my feelings towards such terms uttered by guys, hoping I’ll be willing to flirt with them, ‘GELI’. If you wanna impress me, you gotta do better than that. Ivanungge thollai ellam thangga mudiyama than naa Facebook leh offline liye irupen. Malas nak layan orang miang keladi.
Now, I’m mature and I won’t fall for such smarmy online dating lookout conducts but immature girls, yearning for love and companionship will and this is where the problem starts.
Impressionable young girls will, and then get cheated, threatened and blackmailed. The sincerity, truthfulness and honesty of online contacts are highly questionable. Their profile pictures, personal details and even their contacts can be fabricated. If you engage with this type of people in your quest of looking for love online, you’ll be shell shocked and disillusioned.
The perils of online dating sites
Although there are fake accounts on Facebook and Twitter, the weirdest fake friend request I got going by the name, ‘Naa Unna Love Pandren’, they can be easily sought out and identified as fake. Also, Facebook team perennially weeds fake profiles out by conducting friends identification tests on them. If they fail the test, then they’ll be blocked. Matchmaking sites require stringent personal details too, making it hard for advantage takers to pass in by. All of them have a degree of volatility in them but the most volatile ones are online dating sites. If you are not careful, you may spend your lifetime regretting that you were careful.
Okay, first of all, statistically, online dating sites have more women than men, five women to one man. So, the most unremarkable man would start thinking that he’s as hot as Surya and Vidyut Jamwal.
Here are some lessons that you should apply when looking for love online, be it on Facebook/online dating sites:
1. Don’t believe everything they show you, pictures of them with coiffed hair, them living large, having buoyant bank balances, stately homes, overseas vacations which are too good to be true and everything they tell you because the reality could be otherwise.
2. While most women on online dating sites look for a soulmate and fulfilling relationships, most men trawl for a fling. They might have ticked the boxes ‘serious relationship’ or ‘marriage’ but once you start talking, you’ll know what they’re really up to.
3. Meeting up hastily and also revealing your financial status, wealth and inheritance is not a good idea because there are opportunists targeting financially secure women, luring them in the name of love and then cheat the women out of their money. Also if online dating results in meet ups, girls are prone to be date raped, trafficked or harassed lest they don’t want to have a relationship with the guys they met online not living up to their nifty online profile.
4. Cyberspace doesn’t represent reality. One should take Internet and online contacts with a pinch of salt and a degree of suspicion. Be vigilant always, look out for contradictions in their accounts and conversations, do not trust Internet contacts fully.
5. Social medias and online dating sites are a stomping ground for shy loners and social misfits who would find it hard to get a date in the real world. One may be socially challenged in real life, like Elliot Rodgers but anyone can pretend to be Chris Evans in cyberspace.
An online dating gone wrong story
We’ve been approached by a girl who was cheated by a Sri Lankan during their online dating courtship. At first, she wanted us to expose him, she gave us pictures of him, his details and his full identification, including his Instagram profile but later she backtracked because he apologised to her genuinely, saying that he is getting married. Even though we believe that she was not his first and last victim and he only apologised to her to avoid problems for him, she was adamant that we don’t blow his cover. The girl’s family is more concerned in her well being and is of the opinion that moving on as well as avoiding problems from him, paramount. The girl was also of the opinion that even if he gets exposed, it’s not like he’s gonna stop whatever he wants to do or punishment be meted on him. Although I feel differently, we at Retamil respect the girl’s stand and we protect both her and the Sri Lankan fellow’s identity.
“I know this guy from my friend in FB. A Srilankan, Ashok from Batticoloa but currently in Paris. We used to talk on Facebook, Viber, Skype and Whatsapp.
He talked like a genuine guy.. He introduced all his friends who are in the same category , he made me and my family trust him. He didn’t allow me to publish anything about us, his reason being only wanting to upload after his parents all know, basically he thumped his chest that his family is very respectful in Batticoloa SL. He told me all his friend know that he got a girl friend, that is, me. He told me some girls, named Meera, Arviny & Narmadha know him well. He said if I have any doubt on him please add the girls and talk. He thought I won’t ask, but some time later I added Meera and Narmadha and talked to them .. They don’t know anything about our relationship.. But both girls give good comment only on him. He was a bit up sad to know that I had asked them about him.
He forced me to meet him in Paris as he can’t come to Singapore to meet me due to his visa issue. I went there to meet him last October during Deepavali leave, he took care of me very well but I found him behaving in a fishy way. Whenever I go away from him ( to toilet ), he would talk to someone else in his normal Nokia phone. He got two phones but one SIM card last time .. (Now he’s using different number) Everything was fine until I got back to Singapore. The second day from Paris quarrels started between us because he will be texting in Viber and Whatsapp while taking to me on Skype. If he talks on Viber, he still online on Whatsapp and FB. This quarrel became a very big argument on third day until we broke up.
That night with hard pain I changed my INSTAGRAM picture to our pic that I took in Paris. In one hour time I received a massage on FB. ” Hi I’m Rubana here. Please don’t ask Ashok but we are in relationship for a year.” I was shocked to see Ashok and Rubana smooching in photos she sent me . She said she texted me after show our on insta chat but I didn’t reply . Then I know went I’m in Paris he took the phone and delete Insta chat and block her .
Rubana is from London and a mother of two kids. Undergoing divorce, he asked her to sell her house and buy a house on his name. She send me all her pic with him, even nude one taken together. I’m brooked but I willing to help this girl as he have to pay her some cash. I Prompt him did he meet any girl 10 days ago . But never admit, he said I’m criminal and suspicious mind for asking so many questions . So I and Rubana made a pact so we can help other girls not to fall in his trap. Rubana suspect he will run to Switzerland as he was talking a lot about Swiss. What we did is create and INSTAGRAM upload his pictures with Rubana and posted it. He black mailed Rubana if she don’t remove pic he will do some thing to her parents in Italy. He did call her family and threatened them. Police report was made but police didn’t take action.
To make a long story short, I learnt all he ever told me were lies. We were in a relationship on and off but after he denied that he was not on Shaadi.com to look for brides and I found out that was on Shaadi.com, it was the last straw.
Lately, I saw many girls from Germany, Malaysia and Singapore who have been cheated by Sri Lankans in the name of love. I created an Istagram account to tell the world the truth. He somehow found out and he blackmailed me that he will post my pics on porn sites and also created an account to assassinate my character, for revenge.
To all girls out there please be aware and don’t trust Internet contacts especially Sri Lankan refugees. They trap you for visa, money and sex. Heartless people..”
So, be circumvent when dating online. Be warned that all that glitters ain’t gold especially on cyberspace.