Dear young Tamil guys,
Does this dialogue below sound familiar?
“Dei macha, how is that girl?” prods a young Tamil man to another.
“She’s definitely hot but I don’t think she is marriage material.” his friend counters.
“Why do you say like that? What’s wrong with her macha?” the young Tamil man presses on curiously.
“Hmm, let’s just say she is a lock that has been opened by many keys. She is messed up machi, her ex told me. If I were you, I’ll stay away from that girl.”
The young Tamil man grouses,”It seems that are no good Tamil or Indian girls nowadays machi.. They are all sluts and bitches.”
“So true dei,” his friend say as they walk away, shaking their heads with repugnance and it is a matter of time until another girl become their target to moral police.
Shocked by the sheer blunt conversation? Don’t be. It is real and it is happening in the young Tamil/Indian male fraternity as we speak.
I am not narrowing this down to only Tamils/Indians. As a matter of fact, the dialogue above is true for cultures that place heavy emphasis on the chastity of girls. But, this is a conversation that shouldn’t happen in this age and time, regardless of the culture.
For a Tamil girl who chooses not to be sexually active before marriage, it is her choice and so is the choice of a Tamil guy who chooses to abstain from sex before tying the knot. It’s an individual choice but I know some Tamil girls who did the ‘amma, appa mele satthiyam’ that they won’t have intercourse until moondru mudichi of thali and metti get on their necks and toes to their mothers; note the movie ‘Kalyana Samayal Saatham.’ Do young Tamil guys take such an oath? Nah, it would make them appear emasculated.
Some Tamil/Indian men and some women consider the whole worth of a girl lies in a freaking fragile membrane between her legs. This epitomes all that is wrong in our society, something fundamentally and terrifically flawed ethos of ours. Before you come to the conclusion that I advocate free sex culture and orgies, let me say that I’m only addressing a stereotype that girls are burdened with – all this fuss about a girl’s virginity and all this defeaning silence about a guy’s virginity.
Tamil/Indian men can go around having one night stands while Tamil/Indian women are supposed to be the manifestation of Sita, always on cue to jump into flames lest her chastity gets doubted. And, we call Lord Ram as the perfect man when he doubted his better half and later abandoned her, when she was pregnant with his children in a jungle when hearsay from a dhobi (laundry man) fell on his ears. If this kind of traits in men are considered righteous, it doesn’t get anymore sick than that. The core foundation of marriage is trust and if that trust wavers on behalf of either better half, the marriage is a goner. And, we, both guys and girls grow up listening to such stories of heroes and so called righteousness until it becomes so ingrained, it turns into subconscious.
And, it doesn’t help with Tamil cinema dishing out this ‘good girl’ vs ‘bold girl’ image with plots advocating that only meek, submissive girls who blush bashfully and go “Abishtooo” at the mere mention of sex are wife material.
Perhaps two stellar Tamil movies I watched that describe my writing above aptly are Padaiyappa and Thimuru with 2 assertive and bold women characters essayed by Ramya Krishnan and Shreya Reddy, better known as Neelambari and Eswari after the roles they respectively played in both movies.
I bet many of us, both guys and girls clapped and cheered in theaters when the leading hero characters played by Rajinikanth and Vishal in both movies get the rebellious, opinionated, head strong ladies to pull their punches around men, telling them to behave like a woman, not like a man. This notion is not a cinematic liberty. It is a product of the patriarchal Indian society that is aghast when a woman is bold and aggressively expressive and this perceived ideal is excessively being stuffed into the ensuing generations. Why do you think Damini was brutalized beyond savage in the Delhi gang rape case? It was because she fought back. And, a dubakoor samiyar from India who is now behind bars for raping a minor said that if Damini called her aggressors brother, they wouldn’t have raped her. But, some Tamil guys hate it when they get bro-zoned for obvious reasons. One laudable thing about Tamil guys is, they will protect their sisters fiercely; do know that the girl you are ogling at is another guy’s sister and respect that fact.
In the movie Padayappa, Rajini would ‘classify’ women in Sanskrit; Saathvigam (the respectful, timid, marriageable women), Prachothagam (girls a man would bang then leave) and Bayanagam (women that cause men mortal fear) and say that they should be pronounced properly. At that moment, I got convinced that both Rajini and Sanskrit failed both Tamil and Indian women.
One might argue that Rajini simply cited what was on the script but if he really advocates that women should not be categorized as such, he should have turned the script down. What if women classify men as such? I’m certain that many men would rise up and say,”You woman! How dare you classify men, you bitch!”
There is a general idea for some young Tamil guys that if a Tamil girl dates, goes clubbing, drinks and smokes, she is only good to bed once then leave her after mission is accomplished. Such guys then move on to marry a priggish, homely girl. The ultimate, yet tacit pre-requisite in finding a bride for such guys is that her hymen is intact and her body, ‘untouched’.
The common Tamil and Indian perception is that a sexually active girl cannot be righteous. It is because sexual purity has become a yardstick for appraising good character in Indian women.
You think only men have sexual urges? No! Girls are hormonal beings as well and experience sexual urges. While we tell girls to suppress their sexual urges, everyone forgets to tell guys the same. Ithu nyayama?
Girls who are not virgins are looked upon as slutty and promiscuous.
But, some Tamil/Indian men seem to be oblivious of a simple equation that doesn’t take Albert Einstein to come back to life to figure out; common sense would suffice but many guys will their common sense away when dealing with this issue.
In order for a girl to lose her virginity, there should be a partner in the form of a guy. In the aftermath, all the blame and shame are piled up on the girl and the guy is free from persecution and goes on screwing more girls with impunity. And then, they say that it is the girl’s fault for not resisting. I ask, what is the fault of the girl? She thought she’ll marry him, perhaps.. Maybe she wanted it. Maybe she initiated it. Maybe she wanted it as much as he did. Maybe she loved him with all her heart and gave him her body as a symbol of her love. Maybe he sweet talked her into it or even threatened her to have her at his lust’s whim. Those are personal stories, human stories, stories no any outsider have the right to judge. But, for us judging ellam halwa saapudure maari and in this context girls are held culpable and responsible.
Recently in the Indian state of Uttar Pradesh, a guy stripped his girlfriend naked in a historical building and ran off with her clothes when she didn’t consent to have sex with him. So now I suppose it is the girl’s fault that she got stripped off her clothes and left naked. If she had agreed to have sex with him, he wouldn’t have left her in such a lurch.
And then, this claim among some young Tamil/Indian guys that they are virgins and expect their bride to be a virgin too. For those Tamil guys who abstained from premarital sex and are ready to marry a ‘touched’ girl and go on to take care of her like a queen, okay. I won’t say that such a deed deserve a salute nor it is an act of compassion. Some of such guys behave like they have did a huge sacrifice by marrying a ‘touched’ girl who came clean to him about her previous life and each time a fight happens, the husband would bring up the past of the wife and kill her alive, day in and day out. What if women start doing the same?
What if their virgin wife has indulged in oral and anal sex prior to marriage? It doesn’t count I suppose.
Purity lies in the mind, not in a freaking membrane between a girl’s legs.
The choice of being sexually active or chaste should not be central in defining a woman. Instead of putting virginity on top of your checklist when appraising a woman, try putting qualities like intellectual, intelligence, independence uppermost and watch where it takes you.